Prayerfully Speaking

Hope from the Truths of God's Word

One Incident that Changed My Perspective Forever

An incident that changed you forever. I’m sure you’ve had one, more than one. Today, I want to share with you one inciting incident that changed my perspective for the rest of my life.


I divorced from my first husband in 1995. I determined that I would go to counseling until I was sure I would never make the same mistakes again. On a rather typical day at the counselors office, I ranted about my ex and his most recent frustrating actions (I have no idea now what that was). I can remember the emotion behind my words as I spouted off the reasons he was such a bad guy. And then… the counselor stopped me. With a very calm voice, she looked me in the eye and said, “Jennifer – as bad as it is that he did “that”, it’s equally as bad that you let him.”
You could have heard my halo hit the ground from across the street. What!?!? Are you saying I am responsible here? Surely not. I’m an angel and a victim here! It was the first day I knew I had work to do. Until then, everything that went wrong was someone else’s fault.


She was so right about how bad it was that I had been way too passive in my relationship with him (and with others). I am a recovering co-dependent enabler. I’m so grateful that she cared for me enough to make me look at myself. I had no idea who I was or how to stand up for myself. I had spent every day of my life being the person I perceived others expected me to be. The thought of disagreeing and admitting negative emotions was taboo to me.


God, through the voice of a wonderful counselor, incited a change in me. He invited me to step up to the plate of my life and swing. Up until that point, I had been satisfied to be in the dugout cheering on the team. Fifteen plus years later, I am still a recovering enabler. I’m further along in the journey of being Jennifer than I have ever been before.


Disclaimer: In the midst of a divorce, emotions are high and perspective is dim. If I could remember what I was complaining about that day, I would probably laugh and say, “I’ve done so much worse.”


What about you? Has a specific incident launched an entirely new perspective for you? Need more inspiration for this journey? Click on over to read the inciting incident true stories of others seeking to live in Truth.

About Jennifer O. White

I’m a simple wife who has discovered God’s amazing gift of prayer. Here at Prayerfully Speaking I share my journey of unwrapping this gift. God invites us to ask Him, but His enemy works diligently to keep that from happening. I hope to offer you encouragement to believe God is ready to pour more into your life than you’ve ever imaged.

4 Replies

  1. Love this! So appreciate the challenges of your counselor. I had a counselor who would constantly challenge my views and perspectives. Such value in the process, but so hard as well! 

    1. Anonymous

       Tracee , it is amazing how small our perspective can be. I regularly pray for God to show me His perspective. How else will we ever know truth. Every human’s perspective is skewed. He is the only True North!

  2. Found you from the inciting incidents page.  It never ceases to amaze me how God sticks people right in front of me (currently mostly via computer) that have been where I currently am.  I am in the middle of my inciting incident – an unwanted divorce – right now.  My husband walked out this year for the 3rd time (and last) time in 16 years because he “wasn’t happy.”  I also had both a counselor and a support group leader ask me why I had let him come back so easily the first two times, enabling him instead of holding him accountable.  He comes from a long line of codependent enablers who refuse to talk about their problems or deal with issues.  They don’t do confrontation.  Period.  For 16 years I had fallen into the same behavior in an effort to keep the boat from rocking and make him “happy.”  Now I know that that was never my responsibility.  

    I am in the process of rediscovering myself and letting God make me who He wants me to be instead of trying to be who they want me to be.  Thank you for sharing.  

    1. Anonymous

       Nancy, it thrills my soul to hear how God is working in your life. I am SO sad for the pain of divorce that you are experiencing. Jesus – I invite you to help Nancy experience Your amazing love for her. I invite You to use this valley to help her see how You bring beauty from ashes and joy from sadness. I celebrate in advance the other side of this experience. You are able to do within her and those around her – more than she can ask or imagine! Hallelujah!