Prayerfully Speaking

Hope from the Truths of God's Word

Marriage: Words to Describe Your Needs

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I struggle to put into words what my heart desires. Reading from Gary & Norma Smalley’s new book – Four Days to a Forever Marriage: Choosing Love or Anger (October 2011) gives me words to help my feelings make sense.

Today’s post offers insights and word pictures that a wife can use to think about and perhaps describe her needs and feelings to her husband.

Is it really that simple – love or anger?

“Sure. The secret is in navigating the choices in a way that fosters real and meaningful communication.”

How do you deal with submission to your husband and offering input into decisions? Here’s one thought from the Smalleys  …………

Choosing Love or Anger“When a woman sees her husband’s willingness to accept correction rather than responding defensively in anger—a mark of someone who wants to gain wisdom— she’s more willing to follow his leadership in the home because she values him more highly.

Wives need consistent proof of change over a period of time in at least three areas before they will believe their husband’s commitment:

  • careful listening without justification or argument
  • quickness to admit error
  • patience with her doubts

Affirming words are like light switches. To speak a word of affirmation at the right moment is like lighting up a whole roomful of possibilities.

Honor put into action regardless of the cost = genuine love.

Finally, take time to think through these four questions and talk about your answers with your husband.

1. What does a good relationship look like to you?
2. What hinders a good relationship?
3. Where is our relationship today on a scale of 1 to 10?
4. What would it take to make our relationship better?

Communication in marriage requires God’s unlimited resources of wisdom, patience, and sacrificial love. Finding the words to express ourselves is a gift to celebrate. I’m celebrating the ministry of this fabulous couple who have given their lives and entire marriage to helping marriages and families. 

May God empower you with inner strength to communicate love to your husband and receive love from God through him. His power is at work within you to accomplish more for your marriage than you’ve imagined.

About Jennifer O. White

I’m a simple wife who has discovered God’s amazing gift of prayer. Here at Prayerfully Speaking I share my journey of unwrapping this gift. God invites us to ask Him, but His enemy works diligently to keep that from happening. I hope to offer you encouragement to believe God is ready to pour more into your life than you’ve ever imaged.

2 Replies

  1. kimmomof4

    Yep!, anger is normally where things go in my marriage communication, lately. I want to honor god and figure out how to not set off my husband when trying to communicate a need/desire of my heart. I sometimes wonder if the anger is a subconscious way of causing me to avoid sharing something in the future that might require something of him. It has worked. I weigh out the cost, it is either:, tell him and he gets angry or not tell him and have piece, but not have my needs met. Lord help me find win/win approach and solution to this dilemma. Looking forward to reading this book. I need it!.

    1. Jennifer White

      Kim – I am celebrating that you are seeking God for answers. He is faithful to help us. I invite Him to show you and your husband what you need to know – to shine His light on the truth that will dispel the lies of the enemy that could be distracting, confusing, and destroying opportunities for healing and resolve.